You’re totally right.

How can I be so sure that James doesn’t love his gf anymore, how can I be sure that he won’t do the same to me?

He’s definately broken up. And although he wasn’t over her for a while, i think he is now. This is just my impression. For the first time, he referred to her as the ‘ex’. He never spoke about her before that except to say how he didn’t love her anymore.

I’m worried that Karma will come back when I’m at my most vulnerable. You’re totally right that I shouldn’t teach people to treat me badly. I should have more respect for myself.

2 nights ago, I slept with James for the 4th time. I felt like I was in control. Not like shortly after the first where he totally broke my heart.
I felt slightly impowered that I could control what I wanted from this with the knowledge that it wouldn’t lead to anything further.

But this time it was different, he told me that he’d sworn off me but couldnt resist, then he asked me quietly if i could stay the night with him (as opposed to my usual routine of fuck and go).
Does this mean he’s developing feelings?
We went to the cinema together today, was nice, we went to see spiderman 3. I thought about making a move but the film was mighty distracting! But also, he wasn’t really leaning my side… So i thought against it. I mean, as a guy who’s swore himself off me, I don’t want a sober rejection and have to deal with any awkwardness!

The time before, i actually asked him if he wanted to be “friends with benefits” to which he said yes, but nothing ever came of it, i think we’re both too shy to ever initiate it!

In the morning, as I was about to leave (on wednesday) he pulled me back, and we had sober sex. I think he wanted me to stay… In hindsight, I think I shouldve, but at the time all I wanted was a shower!

I can’t let myself think that he likes me.. I’ll be back in square one, with no control, and too emotional. I’m leaving in less than 3 months, I can’t get emotional again. It’s exam time and I really need to focus on that. He’s already distracted me enough as it is…